Posted 6:53 PM by Tiggs
It's been a while...

Living this side of Heaven

It's been a while hasn't it? I'm bad enough with the main site, but really neglect this part.

Are we meant to be able to cope?

I've always been discontent with the world, the system, and reality in general. My feelings along those lines predate my Depression by several years, and sometimes I catch myself wondering if I'll ever really like this world I'm stuck living in.

But were we ever meant to?

We don't live in Heaven, we live in a Fallen World. The next world is perfection, this one is not. But that just makes it seem like this world will always be tough, and never make sense. And I have to admit to really not liking that.

I guess what really pisses me off is the teaching that nothing can be accomplished under our own power, and it's only through God that we can do anything worthwhile. I'm sure there's more to it than that, human understanding being limited and all, but that's how it always comes over. But when you stack that with individuality it all seems somewhat off.

I'm a techie. I also know I have limits. What I love is when I manage to better myself and push back my limits. To be able to solve something, especially on my own. I love it when I can look back and see that things which I used to need help with I can now do myself. I like the feeling of accomplishment, and of having moved forward. Because of this, however, I have issues with anything that suggests that striving to accomplish things on my own is a bad thing.

And if this world is one where people can't be content, why the hell are we put here?

Posted 5:48 PM by Tiggs

Where do I fit in?

...this has been a question I've been asking myself for quite a while now. Several years. I think I've mostly got to the point where I can answer it in relation to life in general - I don't. But I also shouldn't have to. The world pressurises us to conform, but "Bollocks to that" I think i prefer being somewhat individual.
Besides, everyone's different and not aspect of life can be "One Size Fits All" - no one thing can be right for everyone.

You can already see how that affects my view of Politicians. As they either try to make one thing work for everyone, or just go for what works for the majority. Often being out of the majority, this doesn't always sit well...

Of course, this does rather impact on my Faith - or rather, my problems with it. Namely that I don't really have any. Not any more.

Christianity does seem to try and adopt a "One Size Fits All - No Exceptions" kind of policy. Or, at least, the human element of it does. And God doesn't exactly make himself open for interrogation - not to the extent that a hard-facts person wants or needs.

The factor in the Depression. OK, it's getting better. But it's one thing that really screws up trying to figure faith out. Those who don't understand depression simply can't understand the viewpoint - and tend to focus on the quote from Matthew 6:27

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

NIV

Yeah, worrying is pointless. But knowing that doesn't stop you worrying. In fact, it often makes you worry about why you worry when little seems wrong.

Also those who do understand Depression can't realy help either. As they know that there are no easy answers.

I think I outgrew it all, to be honest.
I still believe in God. I still value the basis that formed my current ethical and moral compass. (Not perfect by Christian standards. But, hopefully, still a mostly Good Person)
I still believe that Christianity is, in the majority of cases, the Right Way...

...but, hypocritical or not, I can no longer trust or follow.

Like I said before, one size doesn't fit all. What's right for many won't sit well with everyone. And that's just the start of my issues. We're supposed to concentrate on the next world, not this one. Well I'm sorry, but I'm stuck in this one right now, and surviving it is taking up all of my resources.

I used to have Faith. I used to have prayers answered.

Until it mattered.

The prayers that really counted, that didn't seem somewhat frivolous, they didn't get an answer. Or, at least, they didn't get the answer.
I didn't want this Depression. I didn't want to be unemployed for years rather than months. I didn't ask for any of it, in fact I asked to be spared it.

I also asked that a young married woman from my old church in Hampshire would be Healed of cancer.

Neither prayer was answered.

That was 1999. Things didn't get much better. Also, when I stopped praying they didn't get appreciably worse either.

I guess I feel let down. God knows how I feel. I have still talked to Him on occasion - why not? I can't exactly lie to the Creator Of Everything, can I?
But I feel let down, betrayed. And for something that never really gave me any appreciable fullfillment.

Maybe I'll change again. Maybe I'll turn back. But for now (and for a whlie already) I need to find my own way.

Maybe I can't do any better, but I truely believe that I'm no worse off on my own.

Posted 11:20 AM by Tiggs
Minor updates Am currently tweaking some of the settings here at Jaded. Shouldn't cause too much chaos...

Posted 11:01 AM by Tiggs
Still Not Forgotten I've been neglecting this page again. But I am going to do more about it soon.

Posted 3:08 PM by Tiggs
CHRISTIANS AND THE COPYRIGHT LAW I've got strong opinions of Copyright Law anyway, believing it to be an outdated concept that has been overtaken by modern technology. But that isn't the reason why I find Copyright on Christian Resources to be a pain in the neck. If we call ourselves Christians, that means we're charged to go out and spread the Word Of God. That taks is made somewhat more difficult when one has to pay various companies for the priveliege of using songs, resources, or even Bible Translations that are Copyrighted by other people. But this site gives some even better reasons on why Copyrighting of Christian Materials isn't a very good idea. And actually goes as far as to suggest that the idea of Copyrighting Christian Mterial for Profit is going against Biblical Teaching. It's well worth a read.

Posted 9:08 AM by Tiggs
Christian teaching is too heavy-handed and simplistic. Black and white, right and wrong, binary extremes with no middle ground. But is that realistic? Life is full of grey areas. Trying to imply that everything can be easily classified as One Thing or Another is just unreasonable.